Being successful online dating

Everyone knows someone who met their spouse online.A friend of mine whom I hadn’t seen in years told me recently that she, too, met her husband on an Internet dating site.The industry has been successful, of course — and popular: while only 3% of Americans reported meeting their partners online in 2005, that figure had risen to 22% for heterosexual couples and 6% for same-sex couples by 2007-09.Digital dating is now the second most common way that couples get together, after meeting through friends.It definitely wasn’t love at first sight, she said — that took a while.In other words, according to my friend, Internet dating is just as unpredictable as the non-digital version.Most people cite attractiveness as key to a potential romantic connection when surveying profiles online, but once people meet face to face, it turns out that physical appeal doesn’t lead to more love connections for those who say it is an important factor than for those who say it isn’t.

“Picking a partner is not the same as buying a pair of pants.” (MORE: Online Dating Enjoying a Boom Among Boomers) Making things harder, many sites now depend on — and heavily market — their supposedly scientific formulas for matching you with your soul mate based on similar characteristics or personality types.You never know how things are going to evolve until they do.But the benefit, she says, is that dating online gives you access to a lot more people than you’d ordinarily ever get to meet — and that’s how she connected with her future husband.“A partner is another human being, who has his or her own needs, wishes and priorities, and interacting with them can be a very, very complex process for which going through a list of characteristics isn’t useful.” The authors also found that the sheer number of candidates that some sites provide their love-seeking singles — which can range from dozens to hundreds — can actually undermine the process of finding a suitable mate.The fact that candidates are screened via their profiles already sets up a judgmental, “shopping” mentality that can lead people to objectify their potential partners.“No, because I couldn’t stand him when I first met him,” she says of her husband.

960

Leave a Reply